We're off

for the week! Helayna and I are going to spend some time with my sister Naomi and Meadow and both sets of grandparents. Hopefully Jonathan will get some sleep while we are gone!
Here's a little photo to put you in the holiday mood! Have a great week!

Wow!

I am so overwhelmed by all of your encouragement and advice. Thank you all so much! I have read and re-read your comments and cried and cried. I wish I could give each one of you a big hug and thank you in person.
We are doing better. I am doing better. We've had a few rough nights but Helayna is so much happier during the day. She has been much more herself this week and that has been so nice.
The breastfeeding is going much better. From the beginning it's been going well. The problem was not so much with the actual feeding as with how I was feeling about the feeding. It's hard to be the sole source of nourishment and know that it is all up to me and will be for a long time. I was so overwhelmed by that fact. But tonight we tried a bottle. Daddy gave it to her and she took it SO well. It was such a relief for me.
We are also enjoying a visit from Grandma this weekend. We went shopping today and were both spoiled rotten! I finally have some clothes that fit me! YAY! And we found some very cute outfits for Helayna too! Shopping for girls is so much fun!
I also realized this week that I had a lot of expectations. I thought my baby would be this certain way and things would be just so and when they haven't gone that way, I've been disappointed and overwhelmed and that's been hard for me. I had to let go and realize that it's okay. Helayna is my daughter and she is beautiful and special just the way she is and I wouldn't change her for anything. I just had to let go of some expectations. I also realized that some times you just have to do what works, even if it means doing something you never thought you would do or even said you would never do - like going for drives to get your babe to sleep. Yah, all those things I saw others do and said I would never do?!?! I'm doing some of them now because I have to, they work. I'm eating my words now. And it's okay, I'm not a bad parent because I'm doing those things. I'm accepting that.
It's been a month of so many changes. Yes, she's a month old already. Today is her birthday! And every day it gets easier. We learn more about each other every day. And I love what Marina wrote in her comment on my last post: She doesn't judge you. You are perfect in her eyes even when you are exhausted. It's true. Helayna doesn't judge me. What a relief.

Sleep...

or maybe this post would be better titled "Lack of Sleep". Wow, I am exhausted. I feel better than I did the first week Helayna was born and much better than I did when we were in the hospital but still, I am so wiped. Sleep has become a major issue in our house. Helayna is not a good sleeper, I've decided. She would much rather be awake, screaming and overtired than fall asleep on her own. This is a problem. She wants to be held almost all the time. I don't want to hold her all of the time. I know that might sound mean but I can't hold her all the time. There are other things to do and I also want her to learn to fall asleep on her own, without one of us holding her. For the most part, she sleeps well in the playpen at night but during the day is a different story. She will not sleep in the playpen during the day for more than 15-20 minutes. She is a cat napper. I'm not sure how a newborn can be a cat napper but she is. She takes these short naps throughout the day instead of a couple long naps. I can't get anything done. It's stressing me out. She will take one long nap around lunch time that usually lasts 2-3 hours (if I'm lucky) but other than that, it's all about the cat naps. And the last 2 nights, she's been awake during the night for over an hour AFTER her feeding. We've tried so many things and nothing seems to work. I don't really know what to do with this little monkey. She will sleep in the car, that's one place she will sleep but I really don't want to get into the habit of having to drive her around to get her to sleep especially now that winter is here. I'm hoping that as we continue to train her, this part of our lives will get easier. I don't know how much longer I can go on 1 1/2 hours of sleep at a time. Well, I mean, if I add up the hours, I usually get 4 hours per night and maybe 1/2 - 1 hour during the day.
Another thing I'm struggling with is breastfeeding. She has not been feeding well the past 2 days. She'll nurse for about 5-10 minutes and then she's not interested but if I put her down, she wants to eat. What is up with that?!?! She's never been a long feeder, most feeds usually last 20 minutes but the 5 minutes is not working. And I refuse to feed her every hour, as she seems to want. I'm not doing the strict schedule feedings but I'm also not doing on-demand feeding either. She has to wait at least 2 hours before I will feed her again. Her normal routine is 3-3 1/2 hours so this is a change. And I don't think it's a growth spurt either because she'll happily sleep for 2-3 hours if she's had a good feed. I'm almost ready to throw in the towel with the breastfeeding. My sister warned me when I first had her that this would happen. She said I would probably reach a point where I'd want to give up but it's normal, most women go through this. And she encouraged me to push through this time and keep going. So I am but I feel so demanded of, like never before. I'm so exhausted and I feel like I've lost a huge part of my independance. I so wasn't ready for all of these changes and challenges. But at the same time, it's not like you can prepare for them either. It happens and I know I'm not alone. But truthfully, I keep wondering, "how in the world do people do this more than once?!?! Why do people have more than 1 child?!?!" I started pumping this week because my mom is coming this weekend and she said she'd babysit so Jonathan and I can go out for dinner. Maybe pumping will help. Maybe I can get Jonathan to give her one bottle in the middle of the night so I can sleep a bit longer.
She's also super gassy - has been since we went to the hospital. This weekend I decided to give up dairy. Jonathan is lactose intolerant and was as a baby so maybe that's what's causing it. We've tried gas relief drops & gripe water - sometimes they help, other times they don't. She does prefer to sleep on her tummy or sitting up so I know she's in pain (that and the look on her face some times).
And this girl has a set of lungs on her. She can SCREAM when she wants to.
I don't mean to be a downer but I also want to be real. I want to have this written down so that I can look back and remember this time and see that I got through it okay.
So if you have a moment, please send some encouragement my way. Tell me that I'm not alone. Remind me that it gets easier (I pray it does).

Somebody

is getting some cheeks!

My girl...

loves to sleep with her hands free and up beside her head. It totally cracks me up!

Our Pumpkin

is 3 weeks old today! WOW! It's hard to believe. The first 2 weeks felt like they passed so slowly and now she's 3 weeks old.
And just in case you thought she was always happy, here's a photo for you! Ha! We see this face quite frequently!
On Monday, we ditched the cradle. She was not enjoying sleeping in it. So I borrowed a playpen from a friend and she's doing much better in that. Jonathan brought the crib home yesterday so we can finish sanding it here and then get painting it. Yah, that was one of my projects to do in the 3 weeks I had off before she arrived! ;) Someone was just in a hurry to get here though so it didn't get done in those 2 days off I had. Hopefully by Christmas we'll have it finished and she'll be in it.
Today we had a great day! She slept so good last night and then we headed off to where I used to work and my boss' wife (and dear friend) watched Helayna for a few hours so I could sleep. It was SOOOOO awesome! I had such a good sleep, not having to worry about Helayna waking up, listening to every squeak and grunt. I was so spoiled!
Only a week and a day until Grandma comes for another visit! We can't wait!

This Little Cutie...

was up until 4:15am this morning! She just did not want to sleep. We put her down at 10:30, she slept beautifully until her next feeding at midnight and then was wide awake and not very happy until 4am. So this mommy is tired today. Thankfully, Jonathan has let me take 3 naps today! YAY!

I also wanted to say that I have been so overwhelmed by all of the support we have received since having Helayna. We haven't made a meal since we had her and we STILL have people bringing us meals. Our fridge is literally overflowing with food. It is so awesome. I think one of the things that I have appreciated the most are the meals and food. I can't imagine trying to come up with meal ideas right now and then try to find the time and energy to cook. I wish I would have known how appreciated the meals are before I had Helayna because I would have been bringing meals to all of my friends when they had babies. But now that I realize this, from now on, ALL of my friends are going to be getting a meal or two from me when they have a baby (and I have at least 3 friends having babes this spring).

I think our little bear is going through a growth spurt right now. She's been eating every 2 hours today and eating LOTS. She usually eats every 3 hours so this is a change. She's officially grown out of 4 of her newborn sleepers and has moved into 0-3 month stuff. When they weighed her at the hospital she was up to 7 1/2 lbs. She must be getting some good food! ;)

Every day is getting a little bit easier for me. I'm still completely exhausted but I'm adjusting and learning when my best times of day are. Yep, I'm still not a morning person. I feel my best from supper time on so I spend most of the day napping when Helayna naps and plan to do so for a while longer. It's hard to do when there are so many things piling up around the house but I know it's only for a short time and I need the sleep.

Hopefully this week will be less eventful than last and I'll be able to keep on updating. Thanks again for all of your support and concern!

Small Victories

Helayna slept in her cradle last night. It was so amazing. I knew she could do it and I am so proud of her! I felt a million times better this morning because I actually slept soundly.

Now if only we could get her clock switched around a bit. Her awake/fussy time is some time between the hours of 11pm - 3 am. Last night it was from 11pm - 1:30am. It was hard not to bring her into bed with us but I persisted and finally she slept in her cradle. Any tips on how to get her to sleep earlier? She's usually wide awake at 11pm and I think that's why she gets so fussy because we want her to sleep and she doesn't want to.

Just for fun!

Helayna decided to spend her 2 week birthday in the new Alberta Children's Hospital! What fun for Mommy and Daddy! ;)
Sigh, it has been a long week! Last Sunday evening Helayna just wasn't feeling her usual self and continued to get worse on Monday and Tuesday - not feeding well, really fussy, throwing up, and then she had this very hard distended belly. So I called the Early Start line (a hotline for parents with newborns) and they sent me to my family doctor who immediately sent us to the hospital. We spent Tuesday evening in the emergency department where Helayna was thoroughly poked and prodded and very unhappy. She had all sorts of tests done, blood drawn, x-rays taken, and they even attempted a lumbar puncture (a spinal tap to rule out meningitis) which was unsuccessful that night. Because some of the results were coming back a bit worrisome, she was admitted that night and we spent the next 3 days in the hospital waiting for test results. She was put on anti-biotics on Tuesday night via IV and then had even more tests done the next day. They also managed to do a successful lumbar puncture. It was SO hard to watch her go through everything. I had to leave the room every time they did something to her, I just couldn't watch.
The final test results came back last night after midnight and everything was negative so it looks like she had a virus and that is what caused the fever, vomiting and general discomfort. I'm so glad it wasn't anything more serious. I'm also very thankful that we had such amazing care. The hospital has only been open for 6 weeks and it is AMAZING! The staff was really good and even though there was a lot of waiting, we felt very confident in the care she received.

So thank you for your prayers and support. She is doing so much better and is back to her old self. We've learnt a lot about each other in the past few days and are continuing to grow together. I just hope we have a restful weekend - I thought I was tired before we went to the hospital! ;)

Weekend Visit

It was SOOOO nice to have my mom, my sister Naomi, and niece Meadow visit this weekend! It was just so good to see them all! They both totally spoiled Helayna with presents and Naomi did our dishes, laundry, cleaned the bathroom, and brought dinner with her! What a treat it was to have those things done! My mom and Jonathan made a delicious breakfast of waffles this morning and we all enjoyed chatting, sharing and holding babies!!!!

Here are some photos!
cousins! Check out the size difference! Helayna looks a little shocked in the photo and her fuzzy hair just cracks me up! She's starting to be awake for longer periods of time and her eyes are focusing more each day!

with Auntie Naomi! She couldn't get over how small Helayna is and that Meadow was once that size!

Grandma in her glory!

A visit from Grandpa!

Grandpa Krueger came for a visit yesterday and today and boy, do I sure like when he holds me!!!! He's so warm and cozy!
Mommy had a long day today. I was fussy last night and I refuse to sleep in my cradle. I HATE that thing, I'd rather be in bed with mommy and daddy but they want me to sleep in my cradle. Daddy's still at work and has to go back into work tomorrow. We sure miss him when he's gone so much. I wish he could stay home with me every day too (and so does mommy!). But tomorrow Grandma Krueger and Auntie Naomi and Meadow are coming to visit. I can't wait to meet my Auntie Naomi and my cousin Meadow!
Well, it's time to eat! Better go!

Another One!