Saturday, November 25, 2006

Wow!

I am so overwhelmed by all of your encouragement and advice. Thank you all so much! I have read and re-read your comments and cried and cried. I wish I could give each one of you a big hug and thank you in person.
We are doing better. I am doing better. We've had a few rough nights but Helayna is so much happier during the day. She has been much more herself this week and that has been so nice.
The breastfeeding is going much better. From the beginning it's been going well. The problem was not so much with the actual feeding as with how I was feeling about the feeding. It's hard to be the sole source of nourishment and know that it is all up to me and will be for a long time. I was so overwhelmed by that fact. But tonight we tried a bottle. Daddy gave it to her and she took it SO well. It was such a relief for me.
We are also enjoying a visit from Grandma this weekend. We went shopping today and were both spoiled rotten! I finally have some clothes that fit me! YAY! And we found some very cute outfits for Helayna too! Shopping for girls is so much fun!
I also realized this week that I had a lot of expectations. I thought my baby would be this certain way and things would be just so and when they haven't gone that way, I've been disappointed and overwhelmed and that's been hard for me. I had to let go and realize that it's okay. Helayna is my daughter and she is beautiful and special just the way she is and I wouldn't change her for anything. I just had to let go of some expectations. I also realized that some times you just have to do what works, even if it means doing something you never thought you would do or even said you would never do - like going for drives to get your babe to sleep. Yah, all those things I saw others do and said I would never do?!?! I'm doing some of them now because I have to, they work. I'm eating my words now. And it's okay, I'm not a bad parent because I'm doing those things. I'm accepting that.
It's been a month of so many changes. Yes, she's a month old already. Today is her birthday! And every day it gets easier. We learn more about each other every day. And I love what Marina wrote in her comment on my last post: She doesn't judge you. You are perfect in her eyes even when you are exhausted. It's true. Helayna doesn't judge me. What a relief.

16 Comments:

Blogger Leigh said...

So glad things are going better for you, Heather! It can be very overwhelming-- I'm glad you have so much support in your life!

10:57 PM  
Anonymous nadine said...

i just love the pictures of her! her little head of hair is so adorable!

11:42 PM  
Blogger Tyler and Melinda said...

Hey. We're glad to hear that things are going better. I do like your honesty and sharing your feelings with us. I need to hear that so when I'm a mom, someday, I realize I'm not the only one who went through it. Enjoy your visit with Mom, and the getting spoiled. I love that part.

6:39 AM  
Blogger SmileyCarrie said...

Heather~ so glad to hear you're doing beter. such sweet pictures of Helayna!
I completely understand what you mean about letting go of some expectations~ I am completely like that in my life, always have high expectations of what things *should* be like, and when they're not, I'm disappointed. Thanks for being so honest... you're amazing!

7:02 AM  
Blogger JennD said...

Yeah! I'm happy things are going better for you and that some of the pressure is taken off with the occasional bottle feeding.

I love hearing about how open you are to motherhood and how adaptive (that's totally not the right word but I really can't think of it) you're being.

10:58 AM  
Blogger Carmen said...

Good for you for realizing this!! It is all okay. Don't get caught up in "should haves" and "would haves". Just do. Learn, and do.

11:58 AM  
Anonymous Lindsay said...

phew! great to hear that you are settling into being unsettled. remember that you cannot love your little girl too much in these early months. and if you make some "wrong" choices they don't remember any of it...isn't that a blessing!

1:00 PM  
Anonymous elsa said...

The biggest thing I learned from my children is to let go. Just let go and allow the biorhythms that happen between mother and child to set the course. Enjoy your baby, they are little for so short a time. I miss that. My youngest is 4 and my oldest is 14. Where did that time go? And Hey! There is fun in shopping for boys, not as much but there is fun, LOL!

4:32 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

I'm so glad that things are going better for you! Sometimes, a good night's sleep (and shopping!) can make the darkest night seem light again.
And I have always stated that I was a perfect parent... until I had children! What we believe is right before we have children almost ALWAYS changes once you have a child! Each child is different and I have learned that you do what works for you and your family - and to heck with everyone else and their opinions!
You, as Helayna's loving parents, will make the best decisions for her - they may not always seems like their the right choices, but everything happens for a reason and one day, it will all makes sense!
Huge Hugs!!

12:10 AM  
Blogger Marina said...

Oh Heather I am so glad that things are going much better. A good night's rest and some retail therapy can do wonders for your soul. You ARE an amazing Mother even if you don't have all the answers. As a parent you just try many different things until you find something that works for you. I know you will get tons of advise from everyone, even those who are complete strangers on the road, I found that the simplest statement... "Oh well thanks, I will have to give that some thought" always helps and then still do whatever works for you!!!

I love reading your honesty, and admire you for sharing these feelings with us, I can't say I would have done this when my girls were first born.

3:42 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

So glad to hear that things are getting better. It is good to be honest with yourself. It helps you greatly. I didn't do that for a while & it really hurt. I then talked to dh about it & it was much better. (I had the 'instant love & connection' expectation - didn't happen.) Then found out later that a lot of women don't have that.

Enjoy her - she is so precious!

8:16 PM  
Blogger shelby said...

glad you are feeling better my friend :) Love the pictures. So fun that you got to go shopping! Moms are great, arent they? :)

9:11 PM  
Anonymous elia said...

Glad to hear that things are going better for you Heather. I think it is great that you are so open and honest about your expectations and experiences. I think you are doing a wonderful job and Helayna is very lucky to have you.

It is so great to see photos of your sweet little girl and love the photo of Helayna with grandma.

8:00 PM  
Anonymous Cheryl said...

I am so glad that things are getting better, Heather - I just read your last entry and my heart ached for you. It's weird how one of the most amazing times of your life can also be one of the most stressful. I love what Marina wrote too - it's SO true (even when your kids are 6 & 8 ;)

HUGS!

8:31 PM  
Blogger Just Rhonda said...

Love the photos!!! So glad you are doing better!

11:04 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

WOW what great words Marina said. The first few weeks are so hard. I think I remember the 6 week mark that everything was more bareable. I'm glad that you got some time in with your mom and sister. What a blessing to have your sister with a baby so close in age.

12:51 PM  

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