Monday, January 02, 2006

a new year

Well, I've spent the last couple days doing a lot of thinking about stuff. I suppose the new year is a time to ponder. I want to set goals for this year so I have something to work towards, things to motivate me, reasons to grow and change and become a better person. However, I'm scared to do so. I am scared that I won't reach my goals, that I'll become disappointed, that I will never be a better person. I talked (and cried) with Jonathan about this very thing last night. Will I ever change? Will I ever be a better person? Is this it for me? Am I destined to be all the things I don't want to be? I hope not. But I guess I also have to accept the fact that I will never be perfect, at least not here on this earth. And that's OKAY. I'm gonna fail. I'm probably going to always stuggle with some of the very things I struggle with today. And that's OKAY. Life's not about obtaining perfection. It's about living and enjoying and being. It's about accepting and trying and hoping. It's about loving and giving and receiving. It's about learning and changing and becoming. It's also about laughter and joy and tears and pain.
So that's one of my goals this year - just BEING me, loving myself, accepting who I am and being OKAY with me. Gosh, that sounds like a tall order right now. YIKES! But I wanted to put it out there, write it down, get it out and still have hope - hope that I am okay with me today and hope that I might be better tomorrow.

And of course, I have more goals on my list too.
Be more organized. Stop procrastinating and wasting time. DO!
Run another half marathon.
Take more time for my friends and family.
Get some more layouts published.
Enjoy creating.
Learn more about my camera and take better photos - maybe even a photography class.
Buy our own place.
Start trying for a family.

Here's to a new year, a fresh start, a little bit of adventure.

7 Comments:

Blogger sharon reynolds said...

oooh i love this post. maybe you and i are the same person? these are the same thoughts i have - secretly, i think, all people do. you're a wonderful person, i think your goals are reasonable - and I cannot WAIT for the new year to watch and listen and read about how you do! :)

5:08 PM  
Anonymous Melissa said...

I have spent a long time telling myself that it was okay to just be me... no one else. Have I always listened? Not a chance. Am I trying? Always. :)

8:04 PM  
Anonymous Crystal said...

You are courageous to state these things, my dear! Good luck - we'll be supporting, encouraging and cheering for you every day!! We are definitely along on your journey!
Love you lots,
Mom XOXOX

11:09 PM  
Anonymous Mary M said...

The new year always bring reflection with it, doesn't it? Where we're at, where we're going. Wishing your strength and courage in the new year. And a good healthy does of humor to make it a great journey.

Smoochies,
Mary

8:46 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Totally know what you mean? Goals are good sometimes but they can aslo tell you you failed. I need to do some goals too!

11:30 AM  
Blogger Leigh said...

I could totally relate to what you wrote. I also want to concentrate on being...
While I also know that I am a person who is about doing. I do things. That's who I am. So I want to also concentrate on excellence, not perfection.
A side note: I was thinking of running in the Terry Fox Run in Sept. Any pointers?

9:15 PM  
Blogger Kimmie said...

Your goals are amazing, you are you it's best to accept it and grow!(((hugs))) and Happy New YEar!

10:24 AM  

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